new blog

http://sundazzle.wordpress.com/

Update

Not really writing here anymore because I'm working on a new blog (on wordpress) and I just do not really have time to keep up one much less two. I will post the new blog URL once I actually get a few posts going...

RA just knocked on everyone's door and announced that her tonight's program (res life) is to go puddle jumping right now. love her. not going but still love her.

Post-It Note I scribbled on at 2 a.m. last night:

i tend to Google my fashion choices to see if they are socially acceptable.


I think it's a good thing. For example I searched for "tights and rainboots" to see if it was actually something that other people wear, and not just something I thought would look cool... and it was something real. So I wore them. And it was awesome.

A girl in my gender studies class was like, "whoa, you actually look good today, unlike the rest of us," and I am thinking hm. I look semi-ridiculous. I guess that is considered good to some people, and that makes me happy.

Long live rainy days, as long as I can sit inside with my blog and German a cappella music. Easily contented.

Coffeehouse

Holy Fuck was pretty disappointing and I was not happy. Also not cool that it attracted a lot more people than Pearl and the Beard because P&tB was AMAZING.

iTunes

The new name of my iTunes library is

Jo$$ & the Phresh Beatz

and it is pretty freaking exciting.

Architecture in Helsinki is such happy music and I love it.

Ain't no title like a Jelociraptor title

I am doing Stats homework at midnight. So it is kind of like I am doing homework on both a Friday and a Saturday. I am pretty proud of myself.

CAROLINE IS HERE! Well, not here here, as in she is not in my room, but she is in the same building and on campus and that is all in the world that matters. We missed her so much. She is spiffy.

Mark is asleep in my bed and it is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I want to be able to remember times like this forever. He makes my day even when he is sleeping, I hope he knows that.

Time for a new entry

I haven't written a serious post in a while. I'll do that now.

Welcome to Friday morning. August 20, 2010. We're fifteen minutes into the day. I feel it necessary to proclaim this right now because I am not taking enough advantage of the time I have. I was watching a TV show today and the host was talking to a couple who was trying too hard to be "perfect," and had all their favorite possessions and meaningful things in storage in the attic. Like a nice glass or crystal bowl. And they were like, "well, it's more of a candy dish." And the host questioned why they couldn't just break a few eggs in it if they needed a bowl for that. That you should use the things you love in your daily life. I had never thought of that. My favorite things are generally stored up on shelves where I can't see them, or in my window seat or closet. They're not really on display and I forget that I have them or to use them. So I'm trying to put more focus on what I have. I don't want to run out of time and not be happy. (This was also my internal justification for eating more ice cream after dinner tonight. Ice cream makes me happy.)

Anyway. Tomorrow, or today, I guess, I'm leaving to go to Delaware with Mark and his parents for a few days. I'm pretty excited. I've only been to their house there once, but it was really cool, and it was just a nice place. And I really like his family. It was hella rainy last time and it's supposed to be good weather this weekend so that's even greater. Spending time with awesome people is pretty awesome.

I got my grades for Summer Shakespeare today. I got an A in the course and an A on my paper. I'm proud of myself. It makes me feel confident that I've chosen the right major and the right school for me. I loved that trip so much and I wish I could do it again. Amazing experience.

I go back to school a week from tomorrow. That's so weird. It feels like I still live in my room from last year, sort of. I feel like if I were to go back to my old dorm right now it would still feel like home. I guess you don't forget a home that easily.
I'm nervous about living in a new dorm, but I think that I'll be okay, especially because all my friends are living near me. I'm sure I was more nervous last year because I didn't have any idea where I was going. I've actually been in this dorm. And hopefully there won't be cockroaches. Seriously. Not cool.
Packing is tons easier this time. It's a lot easier to figure out what I did and didn't use/wear last year, so that really determines what I'm bringing this year. I still have to get some more things... a rug, maybe a lamp, etc., but most of my stuff from last year is still packed up and ready to go. I miss all my mattress covers! They were SO NICE.

Last year was a difficult year. College is stressful, transitions are stressful, making new friends and losing others is stressful. But I think that this year I am over the initial turmoil and I should be able to move on and have even better experiences. And this year I know that I have awesome friends from last year, new friends from this summer, and an awesomer-than-awesome boyfriend to have fun with. I can't wait. I really hope that I am better this year. I should be, I should be.

I'm becoming something, I can feel it, and I hope it is something good.

Did you know...

that there are zero Google results when you search for "katy perry's huge terrifying forehead?" Because there aren't, and that's total bullshit.

Oh man

Summer is almost over, but I am happy about it because I get to go back to the best place on earth! And that is mostly because a lot of my favorite people are there. I think I am just in a really good mood right now because it's 3 p.m. and I'm still in my pajamas, aw yeah.

I'm going to probably write some entries soon that are going to be me posting pictures that I have on my computer and writing about why they're awesome. So that'll be a change of pace.

Detox doesn't sound like a word when you say it too much

I'm detoxing my life.

I know I'm a hippie-dippie person for even writing this. But I don't think that's a bad thing.
I've already taken steps to rid myself of this depression and anxiety. And that's coming along, it's making progress. And that's good.
I just feel like there are still other things that I can, and will, get rid of. Actual toxins are one thing. I'm planning on cutting back on or quitting my use of a lot of beauty products that contain harmful or questionable chemicals and carcinogens. I just watched The Story of Cosmetics, and it reminded me of what I had in mind a few months ago but didn't have the means to carry out. You can wash your hair with baking soda and condition it with vinegar. You can clean your face with olive oil (I know, it sounds backwards). You can brush your teeth with baking soda.

I spend so much money on these products. I'm always on the lookout for some new kind of face wash or acne killer or shampoo that will change me to look differently. But my hair still gets frizzy and my face still breaks out, despite these products' best efforts. So I figure it can't hurt to try something a little (okay, a lot) more basic and natural. And why not? I already have the stuff lying around my house, and if I don't dig the results, I can always switch back to the stuff I use now. I'm just very into not having stuff, and it would be really cool if there were more things that I didn't have to buy. Saving money would be pretty awesome.

So that's what I'm cutting back on. I am detoxing in the literal sense there, getting rid of chemicals. I want to detox in a material sense by getting rid of how much stuff I have- it is a super huge pain to move it from home to college to back home. And I want to detox how much stress I have. I can cut back on communicating with stressful people or stressful things. I should be able to do it. And in the place of these nasty things, I guess I should add... what? Maybe just nothing. Because I don't take time to just sit and be. I think that's my agenda for this year. Just being without being toxic.

Summer

I'm on sertraline now, a.k.a. generic brand Zoloft. I have my job back. I'm driving better than ever. This is a good start to summer, I suppose.

A change of pace

I'm friends on Facebook with a girl who lives in New York City and is a model. Sometimes I check out her page and her friends just to see what it's like for them to live there. It's so completely opposite of where I am now, and sometimes I just want to be a cliche and be some blonde outgoing twenty-something who moves to NYC and just has a blast all the time. I mean, I know they don't party all the time, but it is just a completely different world. It looks fascinating. I am just envious of those fashionable and successful and happy girls who aren't even ten years older than me. I'm excited to get older (to an extent), but I'm also worried that when I do, I won't end up being the way I wanted to.

Packing Up

I'm going home in 3 days? What? Are you kidding me?

I'm done with three out of four finals for the year, which is great. I spent a lot of time today packing up my room because my family is coming to take most of my stuff home tomorrow afternoon. My posters are down and my clothes are in bins and it's weird. I'm sure it'll be weirder once all of Sarah's things are gone and the TV and all my bins are gone too. I'm still here til Tuesday, though. Getting all of my stuff in these containers is sort of hard and I have already thrown out four pairs of shoes that I never ended up wearing while I was here. That's one of the good things about having to pack and un-pack all this stuff several times- I find out what I never use, and I'm sure I'll get rid of a ton of clothing and other items once I get home. It'll be nice.

I am maybe going to stay at UMBC for a few days next weekend. That would be really awesome.

Time to take some time to relax...

American Apparel

OH NO American Apparel is sucking me into its website and I just want to buy a lot of things now. It is a good thing that they are mildly out of my price range (that I am willing to spend, plus shipping) so I am just compiling a wish list that will never be given to anyone instead. I mean, once you get past the soft-core porn stuff, they have some really cute things. Man, the way that I would dress if I had money is so different from how I dress now. I also need some sort of cute fashionable friend to be like "oh girlfriend, wear this!" Basically I want to live inside a Style network TV show. I totally dig it. I am ridiculously excited to one day be able to get rid of the clothes I've had forever and get a new wardrobe and look classy EVERY GODDAMN DAY.

I actually just went through almost their entire website and only put 3 things on my wish list: a skirt, tights, and legwarmers. I'd buy them, but unfortunately all together it'd cost $67... minus shipping...

Man, I have got to find legwarmers somewhere else. These ones were not even that fabulous and I would rather wait to find a better pair. But I hella dig the skirt and the tights :(

I Feel It All

I REALLY LIKE FEIST.

And I always spell her name wrong the first time I type it, like "Fiest," because I want to type "Fiesta." She is kind of like a party in my ears when I listen to her. She is currently providing me with some pretty chill music for 10:45 on a Sunday night when I am feeling all freshly showered and happy because my laundry is in the dryer, and my favorite cardigan is drying. Oh how I have missed it for the past couple of days. But I refused to get it out of the dirty laundry even though I have been known to do that.

So hey, I'm all done with my classes for my freshman year of college. It feels kind of weird, like it hasn't been a full school year. Which I guess it hasn't been, at least not compared to high school... but it's also just a completely different time-frame-feeling with living here and all.

It's weird to think that in a week and several days I will be moved out of this room that I have grown to love. It really doesn't feel like I've been here for 8 months, and that I will never live in this room again. I know it isn't really a big deal; people move, people get different dorm rooms every year. But it's weird. This is home, and it'll be weird to leave this "home" for  4 months and then come back and be living somewhere else. I dunno. It's just especially weird because it's the first year, probably.

Also, 46 days until I leave for Stratford-upon-Avon. Just sayin'.

Things I want right now:

1. Cardigans (not the band. the article of clothing)
2. Diet Coke even though I stopped drinking it
3. Maybe some chocolate, I always want chocolate
4. To look like Marina
5. To not have a stuffy nose/head
6. Summer
7. Sandals that don't cut my damn feet up
8. A hammock

SGA, SMP, other acronyms

SGA: Voted for my senator in PG next year. I'm probably definitely going to end up with the same girl I have in QA this year, because she's the only one running besides write-in... I guess she was pretty good. I enjoy her emails about SGA meetings sometimes. But I think I get more information from Ken Benjes' blog where he writes during the meetings. I am so sad he won't do that next year :[ I've considered trying to be involved in SGA, or at least attending meetings, or alternately becoming involved in the Programs Board. Maybe eventually!

SMP: The school has sent out like 20 emails about SMP presentations, and I kind of feel like I should maybe go to some of them. Some of them actually do seem interesting. And I feel like the seniors deserve people to go see what they've been working on.

IRGC: It's really goddamn cold.

Monday! Monday!

This is the very second to last Monday of this school year. This is the last Monday of classes, and my 10:40 class was cancelled this morning! This is the best. Totally the best. Do you want a rundown of the next two weeks for me? Because I think you do, and otherwise why would you be at this blog.

TODAY IS MONDAY! Second to last Shakespeare class :[

What else is going on this week:

• I have to go to some financial aid info session sometime this week. I don't really know why, considering it is about changes for next year and I don't even know what's going on this year, but I feel like it is my responsibility to go. I also feel really accomplished if I go to boring meetings. It makes me feel smart. So I am going to that either tomorrow or Thursday.
• Glee is tomorrow! Oh Glee. I love you so much. Don't ever leave me. Gleeve me?
• Also tomorrow. I have an Anthro quiz and a presentation in Anthro. Man, that class is not fun sometimes.
• Psychology paper due Thursday. Should really get started on thinking about that since all of my original ideas for it got rejected.
• Summer Shakespeare meeting on Friday! Sometimes it is upsetting that most Fridays from 3-5 are taken up by these meetings, but it is okay, because in less than two months I will be in England and none of you jive suckas will be.
• Saturday is MORE SHAKESPEARE! Going to see Hamlet at the Folger Theater with my Shakespeare class. Hella excited for this.

So basically this week is like Shakespeare, and more Shakespeare, and then some other classes sprinkled in between. Isn't sprinkled a nice word?

In other news that isn't about school:
I am getting pretty interested in minimalism. I've been trying to get rid of a lot of stuff this past year, and I don't think I am going to be like hardcore-owning-less-than-100-things minimalist, but I really like the idea. We don't need as much as we have. It also sort of goes along with the eating simply thing- eating whole foods, blah de blah. Both are pretty difficult to initiate at college, so I'm glad I'll be heading home soon. I am getting interested in so many new things!

This combines two or more awesome things!

http://www.troundup.com/2010/19/make-lemonade-from-t-shirt-hell/

Favorite things included in the above link:
1. Troundup
2. Trying to eat stuff that isn't chemicals
3. Tshirts
4. Also lemonade is pretty good

Oh man. Oh man. I check this guy's blog every day and I think that if I knew him in real life we would Totally Be Friends. Well I sort of do know him in real life. I can recognize him on campus. It is a bit like seeing a local celebrity. Put it this way: when I went to Otakon last year and my friends saw the guy who created 4chan, they were like "PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!" and I did not even know who they were talking about. So actually maybe it is not at all like seeing that guy, but whatever, I don't really have anything else to compare it to. He is like a local celebrity.

Aw come on

In trying to explain how people regulate the risks of forming close romantic relationships, Sandra Murray and others note that an ironic theme runs through much of the research: "The relationships that have the most potential to satisfy adult needs for interpersonal connection are the very relationships that activate the most anxiety about rejection." We are, to put it mildly, darned if we do and darned if we don't.

NO. Come on, psychology textbook, don't make me realize that I will have some sorts of anxiety for EVER.

Well, at least I feel like I have a better grasp on my thoughts about relationships now. Hooray for Social Psych!

ALSO I changed my blog font from Arial to Georgia and oh my goodness it was so exciting. This font is so much better. It is a good thing that Blogger only offers me a few font options, otherwise I would never leave this room because I would be so excited about finding the perfect font. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

Shirts!

I GOT THIS SHIRT YESTERDAY. Or it was ordered for me. Either way. It is from Threadless, and it is totally super awesome. The last time I tried to buy it it was sold out, so then a few days ago I got an email from them that was all "hey we reprinted this design you wanted!" even though I do not want to spend any money right now, but, you know, Cialdini's norm of consistency for compliance...

I am a psychology snob. :[

Well, anyway, I didn't technically order it because Mark bought it, and I bought him another shirt from Topatoco, and we will totally trade when they both come in the mail. It will be so much fun. I think that I am also waiting for another shirt in the mail, possibly. Oh. Yeah. I am. I forgot that I bought a Woot shirt the other day. So I am looking forward to that as well, and I really need to stop buying so many things.

Also did you guys know that the band Born Ruffians is super awesome? I had one of their albums but hadn't listened to it all the way through until yesterday. It is SO MUCH FUN and it is good music.

I said

"Why can't I swallow my feelings? I don't have time to be depressed."

I don't know what's wrong with me, or why I can't deal with it properly. I don't know if my bad reactions are the cause, or just the effect.... I am all kinds of a mess, but I have too much work to do to deal with my personal problems. Is that backwards? But how am I supposed to have time for my emotions when I have so much class work to do.

Jackie

So visualize success but don't believe your eyes
There's a world of wisdom and pain to despise
And when people get paid just to set you straight it means...

I don't know what it means, I guess.

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I could try on a new persona for a day or two. Like, what would it be like to be social in college? I don't even know what people DO at parties. And I know this persona doesn't go. But it'd just be interesting. I want to get into other peoples' heads and see why they do the things that I think are stupid.

Idea

I think I would maybe like to just move out of the country and go to somewhere in the United Kingdom. And maybe stay there. I cannot handle being here right now.

8:50 a.m.

WHY are 5/6 washers already filled up? And I think the one that eSuds says is available is just broken. Does everyone in Queen Anne really wake up this early and do laundry on a Tuesday? That's weird.

So I left tech week at around 12:20 last night/morning, came home, took a shower, got in bed by 1. Woke up at 8:10 to register for classes. I got into three out of four, and I'm hoping I get into Chem. Although I'm confused because the section I'm trying to get into is NOT in a lecture hall, I don't believe (I think it's where I currently have Anthro) and so I am worried there won't be as many seats. Although I know it can hold more than 12. And I know they're reserving spaces for freshmen. But anyway, I emailed the professor, and darnit I need to get into Chem so they can just let me do that okay.

I guess I will study, wait for a washer to be open, do some laundry, keep studying. I have tech week until even later tonight- I'm on clean up crew so I have to stay after everyone else is gone tonight- so that might be a bummer. But it's fun, sometimes. I will just bring stuff to do, homeworkwise.

Hello, Hell Week

This week is going to be really tough.

It's tech week for dance, which means there are rehearsals every night from 8ish- past midnight, and I have a ton of quizzes, tests, and papers, and I am just a busy busy bee this week. And I am hoping I can hold it together until next Sunday- then I'll be done with so much stuff! I am excited for the dance show though- it's just a lot of work to get there.

Also, this is what was running through my head quite randomly this morning while getting ready. Remember that jump rope song, "Cinderella dressed in yellow, went upstairs to kiss her fellow, by mistake she kissed a snake, how many doctors will it take? 1, 2, 3, etc." That randomly popped into my head, and, as I often do while I should be doing other things, was all kinds of analyzing it. That is a pretty weird thing for little kids to be playing to. And it's vague. For example, what kind of snake was it? How did she mistake a guy for a snake? Kissing a snake doesn't necessarily hurt you. Maybe Cinderella deserved it. Maybe she was cheating on her fellow with that snake. Also, I think it is bad that the better you are at jumping rope, the worse Cinderella's injury was. That is selfish and mean. Probably you should just stop jumping because maybe Cinderella doesn't have health care and can't afford to go to even one doctor. Did you ever stop to think of that? Did you?

Ohio

I never thought I'd be so determined to get to Ohio, of all places.

Hello, Morning

I am supposed to be taking a shower. I just do not have the motivation. I will take one later! I promise. Maybe. I have to go the gym at some point and then I will have to take a shower. What is this, this is not interesting blog material.

It is THURSDAY! It is also April. And I am going home tomorrow, and I am going to see Vampire Weekend with Mark, and it is just going to be a fabulous time. It will, it will, it will.

Got stuck behind a tour group on the way back to QA from Campus Center this morning. That was interesting. I really enjoy seeing who is a tour guide here, and what they say, since now I go here... I'm considering maybe being a tour guide myself eventually. I really like the school, and I'm a nerd about learning its history, so I'd probably have a lot to say.

Do you know what is next week? It is the dance show, that is what it is, and all of you should go. It is going to be HOT. And also a lot of fun.

I need to do some Psych work, and then maybe pack up some stuff to take home tomorrow, and maybe review some Anthro. Things to do, things to do.

Beautiful

Today is beautiful. And I woke up early, went over to Campus Center to eat breakfast and drink coffee and read for Spanish for an hour, and then Spanish was cancelled. This is beautiful. All I have left to do is Shakespeare class and dance- two of my favorite things :)

I've been upset a lot lately, but I can't be upset today. It is beautiful.

Sarah just turned on the TV and someone just said "C3PO's not gay. He's just British."

blank

I don't want to deal with anyone right now, and this is not helping me.

Go

I want to go. I want to get out, go places, get away from here, not because I don't like it here, but because there are so many other places to be. I feel stuck here, I feel trapped, is that weird? Do other people feel trapped? Is that normal, am I normal? I feel like the Internet is holding me captive, and my possessions are possessing me, and I feel like "well, I could go places, but I really just want to sit at my desk and browse the Internet, looking at all the things and places I'm not."

What's a human to do?

*edit*
Also, I am really developing a hatred for video games. I feel like they are separating me from my friends because I hate just sitting around being ignored while they do shit I don't care about. Every night I am alone.

Argh

Why the fuck is the Spring Formal during Relay for Life? Goddamnit I am already worried about people not showing up and now there will definitely be less. And I wanted to GO to that formal. This is not fair.

And there is an extra dance practice scheduled for Friday, and my choreographer asked everyone when they were free, and it still got scheduled at a time when I cannot be there. It's at 3:45 and I have a meeting for Summer Shakespeare from 3 to 5. So that's really not cool either. This weekend is so stressful. I cannot stand it. I am tired of everything that is going on, I can't do all of this. Sigh. I am a little bit freaking out.

I also probably need to change advisors, and get a time for advising figured out, and I am just freaking out. All I want to do is go for a walk and I don't even have anyone to go with me. Goddamnit.

Back at school

Arrived back at SMCM today. I guess it is nice to be back- I love it here and I'm excited to see my friends, but I was also just getting used to being at home with the amazing weather. I have a lot of work to do, too, but I'll get it done. Only half a semester left for the year. I know I can do it.

Also, it is the official first day of spring! I'm enjoying it. Spring and fall are my favorite seasons.

This upcoming weekend is Relay for Life, and the next weekend I'm going home and to DC to see Vampire Weekend, and then the next weekend is the dance show. Oh goodness. Gonna be a busy couple o' weeks.

Mutiny, I Promise You

What's the weight of the world worth to you, kid
Go write down what you see
And see how far it can go
What's the weight of the world worth to your side
Here is where you got lost
And here is how you got by

And here's the mutiny I promised you
And here's the party it turned into
And here's the mutiny I promised you
And here's the moment it turned into

Facebook

So lately I have realized that when I get upset/depressed and I'm on the computer, I delete Facebook friends. And pictures. And information. I just try to erase myself. But I get upset when people delete me off their Facebook. I deleted like twenty people tonight, it was so productive.

It doesn't even feel like 11:30. What kind of night is this? What day is it? It's Wednesday? I can't even keep track of it, even more. I feel fine sometimes, and then I feel upset, and then I feel dead, and I am screaming inside but I can't say anything out loud, and I just want to talk, but I don't know who I want to talk to, and this isn't even the kind of post I meant to be writing. This is what I write on my private blog not my public one. Must. Censor. Self.

I'm just sort of a mess right now, for no reason. I really am looking forward to spring break. I am tired out and I am confused. I feel like I am never done, even when I maybe am. And crap, I went home tonight so that I could do extra work and get ahead. Obviously, I've done nothing. I just can't function sometimes.

Weather

The weather is gorgeous here lately. I love it. I love this place, this school, Maryland, everything about it. Not such a fan of the cold weather, but when it started getting warmer out I remembered exactly why I fell in love with this place.

I need to be doing work, but don't have motivation. I'm Facebook stalking like there is no tomorrow, and I sort of wish I didn't do it so much, but I am fascinated by other people. Which is why I am so into psychology, social psych, anthro, sociology... I love people. They're all so interesting. I want to know all that I can know about everyone, and I get frustrated when I can't find things out. Because I am generally too shy to actually TALK to someone, so I just Facebook stalk the hell out of them, and they never know.

Monday morning

Sigh.

I love my friends more than anything.

Last night was a really good night, even though it was a school night and I was doing homework... just hung out with Caroline and Mark in his room for a really long time, just talked, and listened to music, and whined about the Spanish paper I was writing, but it was really great. And then went to breakfast with them this morning. It was just a really nice experience and at one point I was just thinking, "Man, I really love that I can do this in college."

I am in a pretty big mushy romantic mood. Don't know why. It is not really a bad thing, I guess. Just not much to do about it. Hm.

Good Morning!

When I was a little kid and my mom would come into my room to wake me up, she would always sing this one song from Singing in the Rain. So when I wake up here at school and I'm tired, I sing it to myself in my head. This is how part of it goes:

Good mornin', good mornin'!
We've talked the whole night through,
Good mornin', good mornin' to you.

Good mornin', good mornin'!
It's great to stay up late,
Good mornin', good mornin' to you.

I only know part of the words so I had to look that much up, but it just always makes me happier. It kind of isn't the same without the tune, but you can probably look it up on Youtube or something. It just starts my day off a little better. Especially if I have stayed up late and am tired.

Today is Friday! I am starting right now to be determined to make this a good day. It's 10 a.m. and I am already partially dressed and all the way showered, I only have one class, and then I have to do some homework but it is still going to be THE WEEKEND. And my mom and brother are coming to brunch tomorrow! I can do it. I can do it nine times.

There is also only one week left until Spring break, so I need to chill out a little bit. I don't have that much further to go. I think I can I think I can I think I can.

More, Rambling

I just feel full again- my head feels full, filled up, fuzzy- with thoughts or emotions or something. I'm unsure what to do about it. I feel overwhelmed. I am blaming part of it on Relay for Life. I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to sign up to be a captain... actually, I didn't sign myself up to be a captain. Carlo did. But it is so much work. I am really stressing out about it and I just need to get a team meeting together but even that just seems like too much work. And no one is joining my team, and I need more people, and more money. It is upsetting. I love Relay for Life, but I am really not okay with leading this whole thing by myself because I didn't even sign myself up for it, and it is so much responsibility and I am afraid of responsibility.

I feel so fuzzy again. I was out of my fog earlier, but I have gotten myself back into it. I don't know what to do. Sitting at my desk for hours and hours every day doesn't feel like real life, I don't feel like I'm doing anything. I don't know what I need to do.

Obsessed

I'm so hooked on looking at tattoos. It's pretty crazy. I need to cut myself off right now so that I can do productive things... I have a few months until I want to get mine, anyway. I also have to think about timing; since I can't have it in water or in direct sunlight for a while after I get it, I don't want to do it right before I go to the beach... and I don't want to have to worry about it while I'm in England. AND since I'm not allowed to have tattoos at my work, I probably don't want to have to have a bandage over it at work because it'd draw attention. I want it to be healed or not there yet when I work so that I can cover it up with a bracelet or a band-aid or something. I'm not too worried. Also it shouldn't be very expensive, which is always good. Well. Not too cheap or it wouldn't be good.

I really want to post some of the tattoos I came across yesterday on here, but I probably shouldn't since I don't have the rights or anything. But. Hm. Whatever, I'm just going to put some pretty ones on here anyway; I found nearly all if not all on Flickr by searching for "text tattoo" or "wrist tattoo."

I just think these are beautiful. I know this isn't interesting to anyone else, most likely, but it's fascinating to me. I love words. I love reading, and writing, and writing on myself, and I need a constant reminder of what I forget to do the most: Love.

I Fought the War

I fought the war,
But the war won't stop for the love of God.
I fought the war, I fought the war,
But the war won.

I really enjoy this song. Metric is fantabulous. I am waiting for a Metric/Haiti relief shirt in the mail, actually. I really need to stop being such an impulsive buyer on the Internet, but I justified that purchase because it was the only way I donated to Haiti... oh well...

For some reason, for the past several months (ever since the beginning of winter break), I have been on a getting-rid-of-stuff kick. When I was at home my room just felt so cluttered, and I was freaked out because it was only all of the stuff that I hadn't brought to college... so I got rid of a TON of things. And then I came back to school and felt like I had too much stuff, as well... so probably when I move back home for the summer Goodwill is going to be receiving a lot more things. I'm also trying to find a place where I can donate old prom/homecoming dresses. I don't really have a use for them anymore (although I wish I did) and I know there are charities that are specifically for such dresses, but I just don't know where any are in Maryland. I'll figure it out, I suppose.

So in one of my classes today I decided to make a page in my journal of self-affirmations. Just little positive sayings about myself. Social Psych says it is supposed to make you feel better if you say such things to yourself... so I thought I'd make a list to carry around with me. Just don't want people to see the page and be like "What is that girl doing." Ah well.

I have been feeling a little bit dead the past day or so. I'm counting on dance practice to kick me out of my head and back into the real world. We'll see.

Tuesday

I got a 95% on my Psych midterm! I'm pretty happy about it. I guess that is a reason that I should actually study for tests more. I usually don't but I studied with Julie for that one and it helped me.

I am STILL on a New Pornographers kick from this weekend. They are good. Listen to them.

Do any of you guys stalk my Last FM too? I miss when more people used to use Last FM because it is a lot of fun and I like to be able to see what other people are listening to. And currently listening to. It is like live stalking. It is awesome. Also I am always up for music suggestions because I am a big music nerd. Although if you do keep tabs on my Last FM you will be able to see that I don't vary what I listen to a lot. Get on kicks. Although everyone does, I feel like. I have so much new music to listen to that I haven't been keeping up with me. I just don't listen to it a lot at school because I am always doing something else.

I really need to get on a Vampire Weekend kick right quick because I am going to see them next month! April 3 at DAR Constitution Hall in DC. I've never been there before, nor have I seen Vampire Weekend live, but I am SO SUPER PSYCHED about it. They are just such a good band and I am going with Mark so it is guaranteed to be a good time.

I got woken up at 7 in the morning today by the dorm phone ringing. That phone never rings unless it is a telemarketer, basically, but it has such an annoying loud ring that I instinctively get out of bed to run and get it anyway. So I think I got there before Sarah was even awake, and I picked up expecting a telemarketer, but it is a guy asking for Sarah, and I am like what? Why is someone calling? It was weird because on Tuesdays I wake up at 9 and Sarah is already gone to class, so I had no idea what time it was since she was still asleep. So she checks her watch when I get the phone and she's like "what? It's 7 in the morning" so I just give her the phone because the guy said he was calling to follow up on a survey he asked her yesterday.

...What kind of survey follow-up happens the day after a survey happens? I don't get it. When I came home yesterday Sarah's like "if anyone ever calls you asking you to answer some questions, don't do it, I was on the phone for 20 minutes earlier." Sooo I was not really happy when the phone rang this morning and he actually wanted her to do more. I don't have any idea why she didn't just be like "I was SLEEPING let me GO" because I would have. In a nice way. But still. I go to the bathroom after I give her the phone and I come back and it was... a weird discussion to overhear... especially since I have NO idea how it was related to yesterday's survey. She hasn't given me the full story yet, all I know is that it isn't a student from here, and it's allegedly for a Philosophy paper or something? It really doesn't make sense to me. I think it is a creepy dude that has nothing better to do. I dunno.

I am going to go for a walk with Mark before dinner! It should be nice, if it is not freezing. Later!

Done

I FINALLY finished the Toothpaste for Dinner archives. It prevented me from finishing my paper that I am working on right now, sure, but I am already on the third page out of the required three anyway. So that'll be done real soon. Juuust wanted to make that obviously really important announcement.

Even more important announcement: 11 days until Spring Break.

March!

March March March March March.

That sounds like spring to me. I'm happy.

So last night was the first night I've been in my own bed in a couple of nights, and right before I fell asleep, I was just staring at the ceiling and thinking like I usually do, and it was nice. It was like being on my own at night reminded me of how lucky I am to have someone to be with other nights. I just. I had this big wave of happiness and feeling lucky, and it was great. I am the luckiest.

I should be studying for my Spanish exam at 10:40, but I'm not... oops.

...

Quod me nutrit, me destruit... :/

New York City trip canceled. Will be here this weekend after all. Buttloads of homework.

Think positive. Think positive. Think positive.

Tattoos & Dancing

So I figured out where I want to go to get my tattoo done. And I figured out what I want it to say. And I know where on my body I want it, and I possibly have someone to go with. I am pretty happy with this.

I am basically only worried because:

1. I'm a pansy and I have no idea how much a tattoo hurts, although I believe I could handle it, plus it's tiny and only black ink
2. I have no idea how much it's going to cost
3. I don't know if I need an appointment (but if I go and they tell me to come back, then whatever, I'll learn)
4. My job doesn't allow tattoos (but it's an easy location to cover up and also this dude at my job got a huge thing of Jesus or something all over his chest and they were like whatever with that and it was kind of weird looking)
5. Certain people are not big fans of tattoos and I am like "oh man what if they stop liking me?" But then I am like "You know, this is going to be a really meaningful thing to me, and it's not my fault if they stop liking me just because I am letting my words out." It's going to be a good reminder to me.

I am just narrowing down the sort of font, now. Even though I won't go get this done until summer, most likely. It is just a weird subject to talk about with a lot of people, I feel like, but it's something I've been seriously thinking about for several years and I feel like it is the right thing for me. I get excited about it already.

On another subject, I'm in Dance Club, and it is one of my favorite parts of St. Mary's. I remember coming here to visit and hearing about dance club and being like "Oh my gosh mom I need to do this!" And I did it last semester and this semester and I just love it. I did ballet when I was really young, and then a combination of tap/jazz/ballet for a year in middle school. I love dancing, but I never did it in high school because it didn't fit into my schedule and because I was involved in the music department, which took up a lot of my time also. I had never done any kind of hip-hop before college, but it turned out that both last semester and this semester I got put in hip-hop dances and it is my favorite thing ever. I actually feel like I'm kind of good at it.

This semester I am doing this Shakira song and it is so much fun. I keep watching the video and being like "why can't I have practice more than once a week?" I'm super excited for the dance show even though it isn't for a while. Mm.

VIKINGS

This is what my Anthropology project that I'm hella procrastinating on is about. EGIL'S SAGA. Well, somewhat. I'm writing about an archaeological project in Iceland and it keeps tying in to this dude. PLEASE go to the Egil's Saga Wikipedia page and listen to the guy saying "Egil's saga." For some reason it entertains me to no end and I listened to it like ten times last night.

I'm really disappointed that I'm only on July 2005 of the Toothpaste for Dinner archives. I will blame it on the fact that Drew has too much sass to be able to handle too much at one time and so I'm pacing myself. Oh man.

I am already getting excited for next school year. Is that sad? It's kind of a ways away. But I am like, "oh man, I get to have a fresh start with having a clean room and everything." Well, that isn't what I'm most excited for or anything- I'm gonna be living with one of my best friends here- but still. It's gonna be awesome in all ways.

I'm gonna ask my fortune cookie magic 8 ball if next year will be awesome...

"Surely you jest."

...Thank you, fortune cookie. Thank you very much. That was so helpful.

I tried again and it said "Try the eggroll." I don't think this magic 8 ball is going to help me at all.

Friday is 2 weeks until Spring Break :) let's gooooo

Silly/Passionate

Stumbled upon this online. I love it. I have no idea who this writer is, but I think the quote is ridiculously true.

Being at college has helped me so much to open up more to people; I used to act really differently with my friends, whoever I was dating, and then with my family, but now I feel like I'm finally the same person with everyone. I realized that I could act like my real self (silly. ridiculous. full of laughing fits interspersed with anxiety fits.) and my real friends would still love me. I'm so happy about the friends I've made here and I'm so happy about who I've ended up with.

My mom used to complain to me that I didn't act the same whenever my boyfriends would come over our house, but I don't feel like that's true at all this time around. I've been clear (maybe a little too clear) about how I am to Mark, and he still loves me. I find it hard to believe. But I love that I can just laugh until I cry with him. And I do. Same goes for my friends here. I don't ever want to lose any of you.

Back back back

It was really, really nice to be home for the weekend. I forget sometimes how much I love to be at home with my family (plus I'm lazy and I like not having to leave the house).

I was home for a wedding in Mark's family, and it was really awesome because everyone I've met in his family is just really nice to me, and it's always nice to have people interested in meeting you... but I'm glad to be back on campus now. Although now I have a lot of work to do (reading The Taming of the Shrew, primarily) so I should get on that.

Promise I'll write when something interesting happens.

V-Day Weekend

This is my Valentine's Day gift from Mark. It is a cornycopia. I told him I wanted horrible, horrible pickup lines for Valentine's Day and that is what I got. Each of the little things of corn has a massacred pickup line on the back. My favorite kinds. By "massacred," I mean we take a normal pickup line and make it SO MUCH BETTER. For example,

"You must be a parking ticket 'cause you got 'fine' written all over you. And I would go to court to get rid of you."

This is probably the best present ever.

So all in all, it was a good V-day weekend. Last night was the Chinese Food Fiasco, which involved ordering craptons of food, waiting two hours, calling them, they thought we were pick-up even though they SAID delivery, waiting another hour for the food, realizing we were missing two bags worth of food, waiting for them to deliver THAT.... at least it was 50% off. And I still have all of my cashew chicken in Mark's fridge waiting to go to the party in my tummy. (oh noooo)

So I can't really write much because I'm supposed to be reading the first 3 acts of A Midsummer Night's Dream for my English class in an hour, so I am going to go do that. Wheee! I'll write more once interesting things happen.

Blag Blog

 

So this is one of my favorite comics ever, from a fabulous little comic called XKCD and I am worried that I will get in trouble for putting it on my blog a little bit so I am hella linking it back to the comic website. Anyway, that is why I call this thing a blag. It just entertains me to no end.

Probably you do not want to imagine how full of Quizno's my stomach is right now :[ it is UNCOMFORTABLY FULL. More food than your body has room for. But it is okay because it was delicious.

I saw Fight Club for the first time last night, and it was really really awesome. I read the book last year, but I had forgotten basically everything that happens... halfway through the movie I decided it was one of my favorite movies I've ever seen. That happens to me. One of my other all-time favorite movies is Say Anything, and I've only seen that maybe two times. It just happens. I'll be watching a movie for the first time and all of a sudden I just know it is my new favorite movie.

It also gave me inspiration for my text tattoos and now I know what I want them to say (one word on my left wrist, two words on my right). I don't think I should write exactly what I want here in case I change my mind, or in case someone takes them? But I feel like I have a really good idea of what I want permanently. I am also thinking of the tattoos, like, maybe they are words that I have always had inside of me and my brain, and now I am just showing them to the surface. I don't know. I am sure it is not that big of a deal to some other people when they get tattoos but it is a big deal for me. I am excited.

I am supposed to be doing homework! I should probably do that to get it out of the way. Also I should make Valentines maybe. I am lazy. Oh well.

Fridizzle

OH MAN. I'm drinking coffee and reading webcomics and I don't know if I have ever felt this nerdy this early in the morning. This is probably a good glimpse into my future, I imagine. Or at least I hope. I hella enjoy both of these things.

Also I bought a Luna bar like this past weekend in order to eat when I wake up for my 10:40 a.m. class on M/W/F, but due to the snow, I haven't had my M/W/F class since last Wednesday.... so I FINALLY got to eat my Luna bar this morning. It was delicious. Small things make me happy.

So I finished the Natalie Dee archives, I don't remember if I posted that here, but I did, and now I am going through Toothpaste for Dinner. It is actually not as amusing as I remember. But maybe that is just because I am still in '04 and I don't think I ever even read TFD back then. Uh, I don't know. Why is this all I write about.

TODAY IS FRIDAY AND I KEEP FORGETTING! And then I remember! And I get SO. EXCITED. I need to lay off the caps lock, but I am hella caffeinated up right now and I CAN'T HELP IT. Aghhh.
There was supposed to be a comedian on campus tonight, but they canceled it because of the snow. But that's okay because I am going to the Vagina Monologues instead and I am super excited. There is a staircase here on campus that leads up to the dining hall, and they are currently using it to advertise for the Monologues, and so there are like twenty paintings of vags on the walls. It's pretty awesome. Also probably kind of awkward for some people, but I find it awesome.

Anyway, I'm just writing my blag this morning to take up time until I have to leave for Spanish. And until I finish my coffee. Although I don't want to go into the kitchen to wash my coffee mug because then I will probably go through the recycling bin and the trash because I saw a water bottle in the trash and a container full of chicken or something in the recycling. I really need to stop looking.

This weekend, I will be powered by the hope of getting Chinese food on Sunday. Oh goodness. I want me some Chinese food for half off. I WILL GET MY CHINESE FOOD FOR HALF OFF.

Also, today, I am more excited than one person should ever be for going to Walmart. It's a little bit sad. But I haven't been off campus since I got back from winter break, y'know? And I ran out of yogurt and peach cups after like the first week :( I have a shopping list. And a few dollars left on my Walmart gift card (classiest Christmas gift I received). So I am READY. Oh goodness. Oh goodness.

So this Sunday is Vamlumtimes Day (Valentines. But I insist on saying it the Teen Girl Squad way.) and that is a pretty okay thing. I am just having a little bit of a hard time with not  being home for it, 'cause it'll be weird. I don't know. Maybe that is just me. At least I get Chinese food. And next weekend I am going to a wedding! For some people I have never met! But it is okay 'cause it is Mark's cousin and so I can just pretend to be an undercover spy or something and it won't matter if no one knows me. And the weekend after THAT, I am going to New York City on a bus trip with my school (except my roommate is the only person I know who is going) and I am super excited about that. We're seeing Avenue Q (I have no idea where) and that should be good. Then I can finally understand everyone else's references to it! Yay!

So that's the plan for the rest of my weekends in February, basically. I am WORKING FOR THE WEEKENDZ. Oh grosh. I am going to re-read this post later and be like "what, no more blogging while coffee-ing." This definitely sounds like it will be my future. I aspire to be doing the same thing when I am in my 20s. Heehee. Will update more throughout the weekend. :)

Hot damn

No class tomorrow! AGAIN. I am enjoying this snow day thing. Although it isn't snowing, yet, it's just sleeting. Which makes it fun to walk home. You can slide, and stuff.

Update on the Natalie Dee archives: on March 2009. So, close to done. And then it'll be onto the TFD archives. I am a NERD.

I am trying to do homework for tomorrow, sort of. I guess not for tomorrow since there's no class. I just mean so that I don't have to do anything on my day off tomorrow. But I probably will not get much done, since I have zero motivation all of the time.

Anyway, one of my big things lately has been thinking about tattoos. I am really into the idea of text or literary tattoos. This is my favorite site to look at them, and I have been trying to figure out what mine would say if I got one. For the longest time I wanted just a heart on my outer left wrist, but now I am thinking about getting words or a single word on my inner left wrist, and possibly on my inner right wrist as well. I just really love words and I am trying to find what the most important sentiments to me are, and how I'd put them in simplest terms to put on my skin permanently... I want them/it to be reminders to me about how I want to live my life. Y'know. It's exciting to me.

This is one of my absolute favorite text tattoos I've seen (from The Perks of Being a Wallflower) because it's simple, but an amazing quote, and I am also a big fan of the font. I am a huge, huge, huge font nerd. That is also one of my biggest problems about this tattoo decision. There are SO MANY font choices.

Anyway, I'm going to try and finish up these archives and do some Anthropology homework.

Please Yes Please

My mom sent me this picture yesterday. It's of the road outside my house at home and I love that it hasn't even been plowed yet... since here at college they were planning for a "blizzard," and we only got a few inches, I was sort of bummed that they got 3 feet at home. Even though I wouldn't have gone outside anyway, if there's gonna be hype, I want to see some snow worthy of panic.

Anyway, the news about there being no class today sort of destroyed my motivation to finish my Spanish reading yesterday, so I'm attempting again to do it now so I can go hang out with my friends later. Snow days are for hanging out. Mmhm.

Also, this is probably not interesting to the world but it was so exciting to me: you can turn in gold seals (the things under the lid) from Nutella jars and GET MERCH. Oh man. I'm so excited. Mark and I have been going through Nutella and pretzels like fiends this weekend, but we only saved one of the gold seals, but at least that is a start to the collection. I'm mad excited.

I am also mad hoping for snow Tuesday night. I bank on any rumors of snow that I hear because I am a lazy butt.

I need to get people to actually read this, and then maybe I will get ideas for things to write about.

(On June 2006 of the Natalie Dee archives. Progress.)

Snow

I TOLD YOU NOTHING COULD GO WRONG ON A DAY THAT BEGINS WITH NUTELLA-SCRAPING.

Classes canceled tomorrow on account of there barely being any snow on the goddamn roads. Not that I am complaining. It just took away all of my motivation to do my homework, however.

I am eating astronaut ice cream. Do NOT abbreviate it into one word. You will regret it.

Nom nom nom

Scraping the last of the Nutella out of the jar with a spoon and beginning my readthrough of Natalie Dee's entire comic archive.

I will let you know if anything could possibly go wrong today.

England

Also I thought of some real subject matter for a post so I guess I will write about that now.

Yesterday I turned in my application/deposit for Summer Shakespeare! Basically, I am freakin' out a little bit because this means I get to go to England this summer. For seventeen days. To read Shakespeare and learn about Shakespeare and see Shakespeare plays performed in a recreation of the Globe Theater. I CANNOT IMAGINE A MORE WONDERFUL THING AND I GET TO DO IT. It is going to be so glorious. I am so excited. I am also super dorky for wanting to do this, but hey, I get college credit for it. Yessir.

I'm currently taking a class about Shakespeare (Shakespeare, Sex & Gender), and so I'm pretty lucky that I'm reading a lot of the plays in that class. So if we see any of those plays I will be so ready. Awesome.

DID YOU KNOW: Coffee makes you have to pee and I am already tired of having to get up from my computer and walk down the hall to the bathroom because I am LAZY. And wow. It is almost 10:00 and I can't even tell because the blinds are closed. This has not been a productive day and there is nothing wrong with it. Only regret: that I have not gotten around to playing Animal Crossing yet today. I promised myself that I would. I suppose I can do that when I return from el baño...

I also might type in Spanish here sometimes. That is okay. It is not as if anyone is going to read it regardless of language.

Nerdiest Day

I am having the nerdiest snow day ever.

I have been reading webcomics since I got up. It is not an exaggeration. I have been reading the entire archive of Married to the Sea all day and I am almost done. I'm pretty excited. Which proves my nerdiness. I'm attempting to get completely caught up (since it's updated daily and I want to get it done today) so that I can add it to my list of webcomics that I check every day. I already check seven every day so this would make it eight.

And sadly, when I finish these archives, I will not even be done; I'm going to try and catch up with Natalie Dee, Toothpaste for Dinner and Superpoop as well. 'Cause I used to check all of them every day. They're hella good.

So my nerdiness-level is also going up because Mark is across the room watching anime. So. There is a whole lot of nerdiness in this room and it is not dissipating one bit.

I guess this blag blog is not about anything in particular. But I'm Captain. And this is my blog. (Or a log. Like. A pirate captain's log. On a ship. Get it.) I just like to write, and I don't know if anyone is interested in my life, but anyone can read this jank if they so desire.

So, uh. I'll be updating whenever. Yeah.